My Story

I just want you to know that I love my daughter very much, but I had reached a point where it is obvious that my daughter's mother was not going to do as the court ordered no matter what they do to her. I live too far away to feasibly enforce the visitation through the courts anymore, and the emotional and financial strains had just become too much… I just couldn't go on.

I had fought so VERY hard to be a meaningful participant in my daughter's life. It hurt me very much to say that I give up, but that was what I had to do.

In my case I argued that I have a Constitutional Right to be a Parent, and if the Courts will not enforce my rights to visitation then they need to admit that I am not a parent and Terminate my Parental Rights.

The court eventually agreed to a compromise and set my child support to $1.00 PER YEAR. I get no visitation, but my daughter is now so brainwashed and damaged, that I believe visitation would be emotionally damaging to both of us.

Let me begin from the very start:

Chapter One

Offices of Recovery Services contacted me about September or October of 1993 to come in for a paternity test. I complied and received the results in November of 1993. Stating that there was 99.6% likelihood that Dacia was my daughter, she was almost three and a half by then.

I contacted my daughter's mother (Melana) and said that I would like to see my Daughter (Dacia). At first she resisted, but Marty (her husband at the time) told me that he forced the issue and I was allowed some time with Dacia, as long as I made all the effort. So I went to her home to visit with Dacia.

After a few times I arranged to have Dacia at my aunt's home, in Tooele, because Dacia would never get to know me if she was always looking over her shoulder to see her mother's reactions to everything she said and did.

We would go to the park if the weather permitted, or other such activities. And this arraignment worked well for over a year. I would go out to Tooele and spend the day with Dacia every other weekend, so she could get to know me. When Dacia was nearing the age of five, I started requesting overnight visitations and received them sporadically.

After Melana left Marty and moved in with her mother (Sherry), was when the real problems started. All of the sudden when I would call up to arrange visitation Melana would tell me "No, I don't have to do anything, you have nothing set in court", I told her I did not want to fight over Dacia and that we could work it out. She told me "Go to hell, I don't have to give you anything".

I said that if we go to court I will get the standard visitation and we could avoid the cost by going by that. At which point she informed me that I could not see my daughter at all, and that the courts would never give me visitation. I did not see my daughter again till after court (almost two months later).

Chapter Two

I took Melana to court and on July 29, 1996, I was awarded standard visitation, she was furious, in the hall after court she told me she would make sure that the courts take it away and that I will only get supervised visitations.

Melana then began a campaign of harassment and lies against me and my wife. She went to court and said that I was verbally abusive to her, so I began recording my phone calls with her and informed her that I would be recording them from now on. In these phone calls I was the only one being verbally abused. When that didn't work, she went to DFS and told them that I "Locked Dacia is Closets", and that I am physically abusive to Dacia. DFS did an investigation and, it was all unsubstantiated.

Then Melana took Dacia to a counselor in Salt Lake, and told the councilor that Dacia was afraid of me and that is why she wouldn't send her on visitation, the councilor had us all go to the park on Easter (which should have been my visitation), to try and work things out. After the trip to the park the councilor said that if Dacia is afraid of me it was because of what Melana says about me around her. Melana had also told the councilor that I am abusive to both of them. When I spoke to the councilor after the Easter weekend she informed me that Melana had asked her to help terminate my visitation rights. The councilor told me that she informed Melana that she did not work in that capacity, and that she thought Melana was the problem, Melana stopped taking Dacia to her.

From the very beginning Melana has put considerable effort into making her threat a reality. Melana would sporadically send Dacia on visitations then all of a sudden, for no reason I could discern she would not send her. We would go back to court and I would be awarded make-up visitation. Melana would proceed to deny even some of the make-up visitation I was awarded in court. Melana then began to manipulate Dacia, by telling her that if she went on visitation with me then she would miss out on going to Lava Hot Springs, or Lagoon or a trip to Wyoming.

Chapter Three

When Melana was with a man named Jim the problems went away, because Jim was abusing all of them. Dacia did not want to be around him and get beat, and was begging to come to my home for visitation. So, I was getting my visitation. At this time during visitations at my home, Dacia would wake up screaming from nightmares that "Jim is coming to kill us".

When I found out about the abuse I turned it into DFS and it was substantiated. DFS told Melana that she and Jim could enter counseling or she had to leave Jim. Jim and Melana entered counseling, but soon quit and Melana was told to leave Jim. Melana moved back in with her mother, and DFS required Melana to get a restraining order against Jim. Melana failed to appear the first two times and the DFS worker was very angry and spoke of concerns to me that Melana was "Sneaking around to see Jim". And that if it continued, she would "Pull the children from the home".

It later came out in court that Melana went back to Jim seven times after the DFS worker said this. When I asked why she wouldn't pull the children she said that she "might have meant it at the time, but not anymore. Things are just not done that way in Tooele". DFS referred Melana to a councelor at Valley Mental Health for the abuse Dacia suffered. I asked Melana to take Dacia to counseling, and Melana told me that "Dacia doesn't need Counseling" and that Dacia was "None of my Business", so I arranged with the councelor for late appointments on my weekends, and I took her. I love Dacia and have tried to look out for her, and do what is best for her.

Chapter Four

In May of 1998 Dacia was sexually abused by the baby sitters boyfriend (George). Melana called me over two weeks after it all happened to let me know. I was very upset because I felt this was something I should have been informed of immediately. Melana turned it in to DFS, but the worker in charge of the case tossed it and several other cases in the garbage when he quit.

I was in Denver during the summer of 1999 over a year later, when I learned from Dacia that George still lived in the same apartment complex, and he still had access to her. Dacia said that Melana knew he was there and would not do anything about it except tell her to run if he comes around. I found this unacceptable, so I called DFS and the Tooele Police to find out what happened. I was told that the file was lost including the interview tape, they said it would have to be redone and asked if I could bring Dacia to the Children's Justice Center in Tooele to be re-interviewed.

So I called in at work and drove from Denver the next day to get this taken care of. After the interview the officer informed me that Melana took Dacia back to the baby-sitter's after Dacia told her what was happening. He said he was going to push the city attorney for Failure to Protect charges. The city attorney refused to bring charges. George plead guilty and was put in jail, because of me. And yet everyone is making me out to be the bad guy, for loving and trying to protect my daughter.

Chapter Five

Dacia has always had a great relationship with my wife. Dacia has always told me that she is the only one she can really talk too. On several occasions Dacia has cried while sitting in my wife's lap when she would talk about the abuse she suffered at the hands of Jim and George. It was in these more vulnerable moments when Dacia was the most forceful about wanting to live with us. She would frequently ask about living with us in Las Vegas, she would talk about it almost every visitation. She would give reasons for wanting to live with us like: the kids at school are mean to her and tease her till she cries. She would say that maybe it wouldn't happen in Las Vegas. When it was time to take her to the airport to fly home she would cry and beg me to stay. I would tell her that she had to go back. She would ask why she couldn't stay where she is "Happy and Safe". I told her to talk to her mother about living with us if that is what she really wanted.

Chapter Six

Then Dacia came to my house for my summer visitation in 2000 and was begging to live with me, she would say "Because my mom doesn't love me or pay attention to me", she also told me her mother "Beats" her; sometimes so bad she misses school. I did not believe her but I told her: "I don't think your mom will let you, but you will have to ask her because the courts in Utah will not change custody just because you ask". She called her mother and begged for over two hours, to be told that they would discuss it when she got home. After Dacia returned to Tooele the denials started up again. After a conference with Melana's lawyer Dacia came on visitation On that visit, when I picked her up from the airport she was visibly angry towards me and told me the only reason she was there was so her mom wouldn't get in trouble. I tried to talk to her about what was going on and she threatened to tell her mother that I hit her "Because she will believe me", unless I left her alone. After a few days Dacia broke down crying to my wife that because of what her mother had been saying to her about me she doesn't trust me anymore, and can't talk to me. Things improved somewhat after that, but not much before she had to go back.

Chapter Seven

The summer of 2001 was very similar, Dacia came with all these stories about her mother being horrible to her, and I told her that if she is being abused so bad she will have to report it to one of her teachers or the school principal. Because if I let her do anything from my house, Melana will punish me for it, If she couldn't go to them she would have to figure out some other way, that is all the help I could give to her. Dacia wanted to write her mother asking to live with us in Las Vegas, but I would not allow it.

Chapter Eight

Christmas visitation 2001/2002, Dacia started talking about living with us in Las Vegas again. She usually talked about living in Las Vegas because she "Feels Safe" with us or because she had more friends there. I asked if she has tried to talk to her mother about it. Dacia said she did and her mother would either just ignore her, or cry and say "Why are you doing this to me don't you love me?". I would tell her that it is her mother's decision because I was happy as long as I was getting my visitation. When I would take her to the airport she would cry and say she doesn't want to go back.

Chapter Nine

Early on in 2002 she started asking questions about Melana and me. She would ask something about me and Melana's relationship, or our visits to court, I told Dacia that I am not supposed to talk to her about what goes on in court. On one occasion Dacia told me that her mother told her she kicked my butt in court last time, and said that her mother had told her I yell at her and call her names when we talk. I told her that her mother should not be talking about these things with her. Also during the summer visitation, she started asking me to pay a retainer to a lawyer for her to take Melana to court so she could live with me. I told her I couldn't, I didn't have the money and she would have to talk to her mother about it. Dacia wrote letters asking and calling Melana asking. One day Dacia was talking about it with her grandmother (Sherry), Sherry told her that if it was what she really wanted then she could live with us in Las Vegas. Dacia was very excited, and was telling everyone. She told all of her friends that she would be going to school with them and go to church with them every week unless she was on visitation with her mother. Dacia called her mother later that week to say she wanted court papers drawn up before she agreed to come home, that was when Melana told Dacia that since it was Sherry that told her she could live in Las Vegas and not Melana, then it did not count. It broke Dacia's heart; she was crying that they lied to her again.

In June of 2002 Dacia started asking if she could be present when our daughter was born. Because the relationship between my wife and Dacia was so strong we felt that it would be a good bonding experience between Dacia, my wife, and my new daughter to let her be there. Now I feel it was a mistake and I wish I didn't have to feel that way.

Chapter Nine

Before Dacia left at the end of the summer she asked if she could take the discussions and get baptized. I told her that it is a big thing and that she had to be worthy. I told her she had to stop swearing and live the teachings of the church, even at her mother's. I told her if she could do that then we would have to talk it over with her mother. I told her not to get her hopes up because she knew how her mother felt about her going to church in the first place. I told her that we could talk to Melana and if she said yes, she could take the discussions in Tooele if her mother would let her, and we would have her baptized in Utah so her Mother and the rest of her family could attend.

In the beginning of October I learned that Melana was trying to have Dacia baptized, and was trying to do it behind my back. I would never have left Melana out of something like that. So I called the Bishop and informed him that I have joint legal custody and without my permission it could not go forward. He argued with me and I told him that Dacia was not worthy and she had to be before this could proceed. I also, told him that Melana also needed to plan this with me involved or it would not happen. He said he would talk to Melana and Dacia. When I spoke to him a few days later he said that he spoke to them and that, Melana would not include me in anything, and that Dacia said she did not think I would give permission because of all her lies.

Then he again argued with me about letting it happen anyway. I informed him that I was raised in the church and have always been taught that if you knowingly allow church works to happen when you know the person is not worthy you are as guilty in the eyes of God as they are. I could not let it go forward. This all came as a HUGE surprise considering Melana has always told me I was not allowed to take Dacia to church. When my mother took Dacia to church in Tooele one Sunday, Melana stopped letting her see Dacia at all, even though they lived in the same apartment complex. Dacia would tell my mother that if Melana caught her over there she would get in trouble.

Chapter Ten

Soon after Dacia went back to Utah I received a letter from Dacia stating that she was working on her mother about living with us. She also, stated that she would run away if she had to. When I talked to her on the phone I told her it was dangerous to run away and she better not try it. It was not long after that when the harassment started up even worst. In letters and on the phone Melana called me a "Deadbeat Dad" and other such names. That was when Melana told me that Dacia was saying that I forced her to say everything, and write those letters, and that my wife has been abusive to her. When I tried to talk to Melana about the situation with Dacia, she told me that Dacia doesn't lie, I do, that she had nothing to say to me, and Dacia is none of my business. When Dacia wrote those letters, she was in her room, alone. She would come out and ask what she should write and we would tell her to write what she felt, and that is what she did. I did not force her to do anything. These are a few of the reasons why we were so baffled by everything that had happened.

The last time I had visitation with Dacia was in September of 2002, she was very loving and happy. She was telling me how much she loved ALL of us. She was talking about how she couldn't wait to see us again in a couple of weeks and going to our daughter's blessing. She never showed up for visitation that next time and when I spoke to her on the phone she was cold and openly hostile towards me. I still have no idea what I had done to provoke this.

Final Chapter

Over the last 10 years Melana has tried to prevent me from seeing Dacia or being involved in her life in any way. She has systematically and maliciously tried to destroy the relationship between my daughter and me, she has intentionally and deliberately inflicted emotional distress on me and my family by falsely accusing us of abuse five times, three times in court, twice to DFS and once to the Tooele Police. The courts have been powerless to enforce my visitation and Melana has tried to exclude me from Dacia's life at every opportunity, and brainwash her against me at every turn.

On February 16th 2006 I was granted a full termination of parental rights to my daughter. I would say I won except for the fact that nobody wins with this one. I demanded my Constitutional Right to be a Parent and not just a visiting wallet, or terminate my parental rights and cut me loose... and the court screwed it up and granted the termination.

I was trying to get them to admit that I had such a right and force them to enforce that right... instead they agreed that, I am either a parent or I am not and so now I am not.

The court said that my daughter's mother had poinsoned the relationship so badly, that it was no longer in the childs best interest to continue it. I won, on paper, but that is the only place.

Even though I gave my daughter exactly what she asked for... I feel like I have abandoned my her to the worlves.

If you need help or just have questions, please feel free to email me and ask them, my email address is: Eric_the_red_2k5@Yahoo.com.

And in the end if I have helped you, or you just feel that what we are doing is worth supporting, then please donate something to help keep the website going.

Good Luck.